The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
