if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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