I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Still dying that you shit outside
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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