I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
