therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
