started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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