the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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