Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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