Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
