I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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