Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
