so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
