Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
