I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
