Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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