All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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