So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
