I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
