I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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