My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
