Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
