it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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