i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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