i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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