After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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