You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
