Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
