I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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