There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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