You can't motorboat a personality
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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