But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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