Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
