I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize