There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
