WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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