ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
