He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
