dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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