He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
