it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
