You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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