I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
