so explain again why im purple
no
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
