I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
