so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
