You can't motorboat a personality
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
