I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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