When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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