Are we in a gay sports bar?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
