I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
