If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
worst night to have a conscience
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
